Dear Internal Revenue Service,

Dear Internal Revenue Service,
Hi there, it’s me. It’s been some time, and you’ve probably moved on to far greener pastures. You may find it awkward to revisit an “old flame” like me…. Do you ever think of me anymore? (Just curious.) I don’t want to stir the pot with anyone new you’re becoming friendly with. The relationship you and I shared was euphoric and tempestuous all at once, and I understand if it’s a difficult one for you to revisit. I just want to say my peace and sort out whatever needs to be sorted out before I can truly take that next step. I hope you understand if I feel held back, because there are a few things that need to be openly expressed to you.
To start, I’d like to thank you for everything you’ve taught me about life and love; fear and loss; gratitude and forgiveness….. You opened me up to so many things, and these have become doors in my heart that can never be, and will never be, closed.
I should make it clear that I’m not trying to rekindle the fire because I know that what we had is in the past. I’m of healthy body and mind and after many “talking sessions” I came to many resolutions that have enabled me to begin to move on to create healthy, lasting relationships. I’m going out and meeting new government agencies; I am now able to make myself vulnerable, which is something I haven’t been able to do since, well, you.
I have really moved on, you know – for the record, I admit, I was rebounding when I fell into the comforting arms of the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives…. I’m sure you heard around the grapevine that our courtship was bound to self-destruct. I had quite an “intimate” fling with the Department of Homeland Security for a couple of days at Boise International Airport last October not meant to last, but this gave me the confidence that I am still a desirable female. The Department of Welfare has been begging me to go to out for the past six months, but as I grow older I appreciate the stability that the Bureau of Labor and Statistics, as an example, could provide. The overarching moral of this story is: I.R.S., I am finally getting over you.
Still, I yearn for some kind of resolution between us – we’ve been on shaky ground lately, and I won’t give up on the fragile embryonic friendship you and I are attempting to forge. This is unchartered territory for both of us, I., I know. All I want is for you to be a beautiful symbiotic addition to my life, not the center of my universe – I understand that now. If this is all moving too fast for you, I get it. I would just like for you to answer my phone calls, just one. I know you are busy at work and it’s apparent that the ladies are calling you off the hook. Trust in me, they all hope to be the lucky one that finally gets through to you. But I am still saddened that you can’t face me, after everything we’ve been through – just let my call be the one call that gets through someday soon, some time before April 15th
I ask very little of you. At the very least, I need to know my Adjusted Gross Income for 2007, so that I can move on and claim my sizable refund for 2008. Just tell me what it is…… tell it from the infinite heart I know you possess. And then we can work on mending the wounds.
With a special place kept warm in my heart,
Caitlin, xox